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 Bad Mood Boot Camp
Ten Simple Ways to Kick
Your Chronic Negativity for Good
by Patt Lind-Kyle
Stop the negative feedback loops. You know what these are. Something has
rubbed you the wrong way; maybe something as simple as your spouse running
out of the house without starting the dishwasher…and you can’t stop
replaying the scenario in your head. Before you know it, you’re reminded
of all of the times your spouse has forgotten a responsibility, and you’re
venting to your coworkers around the water cooler. Then they start to
share their own gripes, and pretty soon, everyone is steamed up for no
reason whatsoever.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that negative feedback loops aren’t
exactly helpful. You expend a great deal of energy worrying about what you
can’t change, and about things in the future that will probably never come
to pass. Your ability to deal with the present is impaired, and peace of
mind is shot. When you catch yourself getting caught in the riptide of a
negative feedback loop, force yourself to stop. Drink a glass of water.
Walk around the office a time or two. You’ll be surprised by how well
these small steps diffuse the negative energy you’ve accumulated.
When a bad mood strikes, practice being present. When was the last time
you stopped to literally smell the roses, enjoy the warmth of the sun on
your face, or listen to a beautiful piece of music with no other
distractions? For many of us, it’s been awhile. Chances are, you’re too
focused on rehashing what’s past or fretting about the future to enjoy the
here and now. And that’s bad. A lack of awareness of your sensations can
cause you to become forgetful, to have difficulty meeting deadlines and
maintaining a schedule, and to have increased anxiety and stress. That’s
an instant recipe for a bad mood!
If you find yourself spiraling into franticness and worry, force yourself
to use all five senses. What does the chair feel like against your back?
What sounds do you hear coming from neighboring offices? Can you identify
what scent is wafting from the candle your spouse just lit? You might not
believe me until you try it, but you really can experience a shift of
feeling by consciously exploring the world around you through your body’s
sensations.
Give mind training a try. Good news: New research has revealed that the
brain never stops changing and adjusting! Repetition and new experiences
(whether physical, emotional, or mental) literally reshape the brain’s
soft tissue—a quality known as neuro-plasticity and revamp the areas of
your life with which you’re dissatisfied. Generating new and/or creative
thoughts can change neuronal pathways, releasing the hold old patterns
have on us. It’s important to note, though, that neuro-plasticity in and
of itself doesn’t effect change. It is through the focused attention of
mind training that new reactions and habits are formed.
Know your personality type. (It might yield insights into bad mood
patterns!) The fact is, some personality types are more prone to bad moods
than others. For example, if you generally fall into the “Type A”
category, you’re more likely to be thrown off-kilter by an unexpected
Internet outage than your “Type B” counterparts. If you really want to
delve deeper into the study of personality, I recommend the Enneagram…a
system that describes nine personality types and offers a set of
directions that guide each type to psychological health and spiritual
liberation.
In general, it’s a good idea to examine who you are, how you relate to
others, what drives you and what sets you off. Before you can begin to
effectively battle bad moods, you need to be able to understand what
causes them. And then (to the extent that it’s possible) you can head them
off. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you are your personality. Your
unhelpful personality patterns can be changed!
Exorcise old demons. The fact is, many human behaviors are emotion-driven.
Repressed, painful experiences are stored in your subconscious and in your
body. When a situation evokes an emotional memory, your behavior is
affected. When destructive and disturbing emotional reactions are
triggered, you unconsciously fall into behaving in the same way you always
have, driven by this old pattern. For example, if you were repeatedly told
as a child you would never accomplish anything worthwhile, as an adult you
might find a fulfilling life elusive because low self-confidence and poor
self-image influence your reactions to life’s flow.
Through self-reflection, mind training, and awareness, you can identify
the self-defeating beliefs that are linked to memory and stored in your
subconscious mind. Acknowledge the fears and behaviors those beliefs have
caused, and then consciously address your negative and painful feelings. I
call it ‘Facing, Embracing, and Erasing.’
For example, you might repeat to yourself, “I am anxious, but I am safe,”
or, “I am uncertain, but I am capable”. Confronting your feelings and
putting them into words actually alleviates emotional distress, enables
you to be more receptive to your own needs and makes you more flexible in
the face of challenge. Being released from your fears will cause an
immediate change in behavior!
Ask yourself: Is my lifestyle the real bad-mood culprit? If you’ve been
reading the preceding tips thinking, “Yeah right! I don’t have time to
train my mind. I have to work 12-hour days just to pay the bills!”, you
might have hit the nail on the head. Your lifestyle is probably part of
the reason you’re unhappy. The high-pressure job you have to work to pay
for the big house and new car and gym membership is sucking up all your
energy and perpetuating a pace and intensity that’s the very antithesis of
the mental quality that leads to true happiness.
Western culture is intense, fast-paced, and goal-driven. It creates an
automatic drive that can get locked into our brain circuitry. And I’m not
saying to quit your job and move into an ashram. I’m not even saying to
move to a smaller house and take the bus…though that’s not necessarily a
bad idea. What I am saying is to rewire your brain to break the hold of
the automatic circuitry that’s making you miserable. And, of course, make
lifestyle changes where they make sense.
We are all wired for what will make us happy. And what we really want is
not success and fame—it’s peace, kindness, and happiness. Fulfillment does
not come from attaining your desires in the outer world, but from
embracing your inner self, which is the real source of your greater
identity and peace of mind. You need to be comfortable with yourself as
you are…not as how society tells you to be.
Patt Lind-Kyle is an author, therapist, speaker,
trainer, and consultant. Her research, writing, and teaching in the
mind/brain field center on using an EEG brainwave monitoring system to
help individuals maximize their brain-mind potentials. For more
information, please visit
www.HealRewireYourBrain.com |
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