Overcoming Your Biggest Fears About Love
By Scott & Shannon Peck
 

We all want more love in our lives, yet so often we get stuck. If we could each overcome our biggest concerns regarding our love lives, the potential to increase our inner joy and happiness could be tremendous. Let’s take a look at three big concerns about love.

1. We Are Afraid Due To Old Hurts We Still Carry

This is a real concern and rightfully so. After all, we have to take care of our bleeding wounds. Building walls of defense and learning to avoid relationships and hiding real feelings, however, is not smart. Hiding from love leads to years of sadness and loneliness.

The first step towards healing old wounds is to allow them to surface. Hurt feelings deserve a time of viewing and understanding without judgment. We deserve to offer ourselves comfort and nurturing as we allow our wounds to receive attention and then lessen. Perhaps there are things we can learn from past relationships. If relationships are meant for our growth and learning, can they really be classified as past failures? What have you most learned about yourself through these past partnerships?

By looking at them with honesty and without defensiveness, we can gain much knowledge about what felt good and worked, as well as what hurt the most. From there, we can make a better plan, with new and higher love standards which incorporate our learning. This gives us power over negative self labeling and enables us to move from being stuck in our hurts and fears to opening again to love with greater wisdom.

2. We Fear That We Are Not Loveable

Many good people consider themselves unlovable. But if you have compassion, empathy, or want the very best for others, consider yourself loveable. Allow your heart to see yourself in this light. If you can express these feelings for others in compassion, empathy, and sweetness, you go to the head of the class. People will find you to be loveable because you are authentically loving.

To make yourself even more irresistible, consistently use loving, supportive, and kind words to others – especially to those closest to you. When two people become attracted to each other and then neglect to express daily kindness, simple courtesy, and consideration, love melts away. But you can quickly get the glow back and even create healing radiance when you make loving kindness and respect a top daily priority. Who can resist that! This can bring the sizzle back into your life.

There’s another powerful way to express lovability. Bring the sacred into your relationships. Help your love mate or loved ones move higher on their soul path – their life mission. When your love takes others out of their mundane, busy, or stressed lives, they feel more worthy and remember their higher selves. This sacred regard for another’s soul path makes you immensely appealing to them.

Deciding to be loveable is a choice. Regardless of how we were raised, with or without self esteem, we can decide to express love and expressing our love is the key.

3. We Fear That We May Be Alone For The Rest Of Our Lives

Years ago, a friend divorced. It was a sad time. He thought he’d married for life. But after some years being married, he and his wife no longer could find the spark. We recently ran into him after a long period of not seeing each other. He said, “Can you believe it’s been twelve years since my divorce? I’ve been on endless dates since then and done everything in my power, but I still haven’t met the woman of my dreams!”

Shannon asked him, “With all this dating, for all these years, what is the pattern you’ve notice about the women you are selecting?”

He thought for a moment and said, “I’ve noticed that I repeatedly date women who are emotionally unavailable to me.”

This man’s honest answer to finding his soul mate began to reverse the pattern of telling himself that he’s doing all he can do.

Take a mental inventory and notice your own patterns in love so that you can begin to hold yourself accountable and create new, healthy patterns of love. Be more concerned with the quality of relationship you want to create rather than your feeling of desperation to avoid being alone. Surround yourself with loving friends who bring out your innocence, freedom, and natural love. Choose a love mate with this same standard. This may be a big step higher in love, but it will lift you from loneliness to the love you deserve. You need never be alone because you have chosen love over fear. Welcome to the heart of love.

Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck are co-founders of TheLoveCenter, a non-profit educational organization dedicated to enabling everyone to create more love. Books authored: The Love You Deserve, Liberating Your Magnificence, All the Love You Could Ever Want! (audio set), Love Heals: How to Heal Everything with Love the Love Heals Study Guide. Visit at www.TheLoveCenter.com , or call, 1-800-266-1525.

A Metaphysical, Spiritual, Holistic Publication   |   In Light Times   |   Issue Index