Wounds To Blessings

By Linda L. Pestana

“When we wrestle with our darkness, we receive both the grace and the blessing of the wound.”

Wounds are not just the “cover it with a band-aid” kind. Wounds can be verbally, psychologically, even emotionally inflicted. We can hurt someone deeply just by what comes out of our mouth. Others can hurt us this way as well.

The path to self-forgiveness is not without its roadblocks. As we become aware of the person we truly want to be, we will come across some people who don’t see things the way we do, and they won’t hesitate to tell us so. But this is not all bad; at least it won’t seem so when the bigger picture is clear. Every wrong carries some “rightness” with it. For every terrible thing we have had happen to us, or has happened because of us, a lesson was present. This life lesson paved the way for better understanding, more precise thinking, or greater tolerance. In short, we passed yet another test in the tricky but beneficial School of Life.

Take a minute to think about a time when you were hurt, or you did the hurting yourself. At the time the incident had it own set of consequences, dilemmas, and problems. In retrospect, what did you learn when you came away from the experience? Did you find something out about yourself, or the other person(s) involved? Was your lesson immediate, or did it develop over time?

Dealing with a wound that has altered our perceptions takes a bit of finesse. No one ever wants to be hurt; yet we engage in wounding behaviors every day. A snide comment or a dirty look reverberates through both the attacker and the victim. We feel used, pained, and alone. No one can understand what we’ve been through because everyone deals with pain and grief in his or her own way. But there is one wound greater than any we can inflict on another person. What about the wounds we inflict on ourselves?

We remember the day: something went wrong in our typical, same old, same old routine. Perhaps we missed a meeting, had to cancel lunch with a friend, or forgot to drop off the dry cleaning. These are not life-threatening events. Meetings and lunches can be rescheduled, and dry cleaning can be dropped off another day. We sometimes find ourselves belittling our ability to remember. Perhaps at that moment we recall the driver who rudely cut us off this morning on our way to work. And from there, the snowball effect begins.

We let a lot get to us every day. We also blame ourselves for a lot that we have no control over. 

Recall such an incident. How did you feel? Did you blame yourself or did you turn your anger on someone or something else? Did getting angry help the situation? How could you have reacted differently?

We punish ourselves needlessly when thing go wrong. Life lessons are meant to help us, not hinder our progress. Every wound carries a blessing: imagine that each time we were hurt or hurt someone that we never learned anything from it. We would continue our behaviors because we could not draw any other conclusions. Consider the gift we’re given each time we walk away from a situation with a greater understanding of who we are and what we have learned. The road to self-forgiveness is long, but there are plenty of signs along the way.

“Believe that we can iron all the wrinkles out of life’s clothes if we just do it.”

Remember, We can learn some of our greatest lessons from the most innocent teachers. A child knows true love of self and his or her surroundings. Arms open wide, they declare that they love …‘this much’… and they are confident in that love. 

May we be as that child and say, ‘I love myself this much’.” 

Linda L. Pestana is a certified Spiritual Director, Grief Facilitator, and inspiration speaker. For information visit www.twofacesoflove.com