Taking Off The Mask of Polly Anna

By Lisa Jo Barr

I believe that here’s a little Polly Anna in all of us: moments when we sugar coat reality to not rock the boat or when we tell ourselves everything is fine, even when it’s not. 

Don’t get me wrong, Polly Anna has it’s place: think of the service industry. Waiters put on smiley faces in the spirit of customer service, regardless of how they truly feel. 

However, to wear Polly Anna’s mask 24/7 is self-destructive.

I was married to an alcoholic four years. At first it was easy, as I was in extreme denial and mimicked the national anthem of all Polly Annas: “I’m fine! Everything is great!” I was in la la land, building castles out of sand. But I couldn’t blame myself—I was only doing what I learned. 

Polly Anna wants you to believe that everything is hunky dory—yet anger, bitterness, and resentment boil under the surface. 

Why do we do it? I think it has to do with fear. Here’s what Polly Anna whispers, unheard, even to herself: “I’m afraid of what they’ll think. I’m insecure so I’ll kiss up to feel safe. Reality’s too painful. My feelings are overwhelming so it’s easier to lock them away and pretend. I’m afraid of reality; it’s safer to live a lie instead. I’m afraid of my thoughts, my feelings, myself.” 

The Polly Anna lifestyle has reached epidemic proportions. You may be infested and not even know it. Polly Anna comes so naturally after living dishonestly with yourself year after year. 

Growing up, most were taught to “be quiet and smile,” and discouraged from speaking up if our opinions differed from our caretakers. Many of us grew up fearing self-expression, so the pure spontaneity of creativity was buried and a “nice, good” fake persona emerged. We learned the only way to survive was to kiss up. We carried this into adulthood and now Polly Anna is a knee-jerk reaction to life, because if you lie to yourself long enough, you’ll believe it. 

Polly Anna has never learned that it’s safe to express negative emotions. We were taught it was bad, and unacceptable, “evil”. These are total lies. Our repressed and denied feelings have to go somewhere. But where? 

Polly Annas develop health problems as resentment boils over. Some go postal. Others spend the rest of their lives in unsatisfying relationships, or wake-up near the end wondering why they’ve lived in such an unauthentic state. The good news : you can wake-up anytime. It’s never too late!

I used to not know what I was feeling. My mother was like Marge Simpson. I was taught to always smile. She would sing “oh what a beautiful morning” even after the most violent battles with my father. All was not fine. But it was spoon fed to me and I believed it. 

After many attempts at denying reality, and suffering numerous health problems, I woke up. Things were not fine. Reality felt like a brick wall belting me in the face. I was used to sugar coating it. My emotions went wild. I was used to seeing things as I wanted them to be, not as they truly are. When I started seeing the reality of my situation and feeling my honest feelings, it was like a dam broke inside of me. Pain, sadness and rage came pouring out. I felt like the female version of the incredible hulk. 

Instead of condemning myself or others, I realized we all contain the entire spectrum of human emotions… even the negative ones that scare us. They’re all there, whether we like it or not and it’s normal as long as we inhabit this physical body. It’s what makes us human. If we deny our self-expression, then we stop our life force. 

I’ve discovered the more I express my controversial side and negative emotions in a healthy way, the more love pours into my life. It’s like an expansion in both directions. To feel more love you must acknowledge the negativity. This doesn’t mean it’s okay abusing others.

WAYS TO REMOVE THE MASK

Practice speaking your truth, even if this means people might not agree with you.

Check in with yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself what you are feeling.

Use your parked car as a sound proof studio to vent anger: curse, scream, cry, then rejoice after.

You might be surprised how alive you feel after taking off the mask of Polly Anna. It’s a wonderful thing!

Lisa Barr is a freelance writer, world explorer, and student of life who lives in Aurora, Colorado. She can be reached at: studentoflife@earthlink.net