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Climbing the Ladder

by Dan Joseph (copyright Quiet Mind Publishing)

Here’s how the whole ladder might unfold:

This guy is a total jerk. He’s completely insensitive, rude, and mean.

This guy is mostly a jerk. He’s usually insensitive, rude, and mean.

This guy does act quite insensitive, rude, and mean. Perhaps he’s feeling insecure, and that’s his way of covering it up.

This guy often acts insensitive and rude. He’s probably feeling disconnected from people. Perhaps he’s feeling lonely and defensive.

This guy’s insensitivity deserves some compassion. Perhaps I can offer him kindness, which he’s not feeling.

I have a good deal of compassion and kindness to offer this person.

I have so much kindness and love within me. I can simply let it pour out to this person and others.

As you can see, the ladder evolved in gradual, progressive steps. There was no great leap. Instead, there was a series of little shifts.

When I engage in this practice, I often spend minutes, hours, or days on each step. I wait until I feel truly stable on a particular step before going forward.

This technique can be applied to the practice of self-forgiveness, as well. For example, a few weeks ago I found myself surrounded by a series of negative thoughts about myself. I decided to use Climbing the Ladder practice to help me out. I began with the following belief:

I’m a complete loser. Nobody likes me.

That’s what I was thinking, and I couldn’t seem to shake it. Sometimes I’m able to simply dismiss that type of belief but not on that day. So I decided to take things in small steps. I shifted the belief, just slightly, to:

I’m mostly a loser, and most people don’t like me.

I tried to really “sit” with that new belief for a while. The funny thing was, after a minute or so I began to feel quite irritated. “What a dumb belief!” I thought to myself. “It’s not even true!”

At that point, I was ready to take another step. I made the next shift to:

I may feel like a loser sometimes, but that doesn’t mean anything. Some people may not like me, but many people do like me.

I didn’t try to go past that new belief. I stayed on that rung of the ladder for a while. Again, after a minute or so I began to feel irritated with the belief. At that point, I was ready to move up. I continued like this:

I may do dumb things sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m a loser. I actually have some fairly nice qualities. I’m not a bad person, really. I’m actually lovable, even for all my foibles.

Some of the things I think make me a “loser” are actually quite adorable, if you look at them the right way.

At that point, I began to feel better. The whole unfolding of the ladder took only a few minutes. Instead of fighting to “leap” into a state of self-forgiveness, I took things in small steps. I waited until my mind stabilized on each new rung, and then moved forward.

To be clear, I think it’s ideal if you can take a single leap into complete love, forgiveness, and peace. But if you’re like me, and often find yourself “stuck,” a practice like Climbing the Ladder can help.

Climbing the Ladder can be used in a variety of other contexts. Let’s say, you want to begin a meditation practice. Instead of trying to take a leap, take things in small steps.

You can say, for example, “I’m going to meditate for exactly five seconds a day.” Spend a couple of days meditating for only five seconds — no more. After a day or two of that, you’ll probably say, “Hey, I’d rather meditate for thirty seconds.” Then perhaps a minute. Then a few minutes. You can inch along, always waiting until you’re truly ready to proceed.

Again, this type of practice reduces the tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking, which is a set-up for frustration and defeat. I encourage you to experiment with this approach, and see what you find.

Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, website www.DanJoseph.com.