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Resilient Living For The 21ST Century

by Sunny Tice, MSW LCSW



I found school to be my refuge, my escape. Singing also became part of my survival. It was a safe way to express feelings — feelings I would have otherwise had to stuff. As early as age 13, I read books like Napoleon Hill’s, Think and Grow Rich and Norman Vincent Peale’s, The Power of Positive Thinking. The words talked to me and fed my sometimes weary heart.

Because of the abuse, I soon found myself on my own at age 15 with a little baby to care for. I put the past behind me and instead focused on my goals and dreams. Eventually I got my high school diploma and by age 25 I was living my dream of being a professional singer. Later I married a kind and loving man who provided generously. Life was good. 

But childhood traumas were hidden fractures in my emotional foundation. The memories began to surface and I didn’t comprehend why. Life was forcing me to mend the wounds and to strengthen my core “infrastructure” including resiliency.

Author David Whyte once wrote, “There seems to be some connection between the places we have disowned inside ourselves and the key to where we need to go. Life, as usual, has arranged a way in which we are not allowed to leave anything behind that is not somehow resolved.” This was a great validation that life must be faced…but on with the journey.

My resilience was indeed being tested. I felt like a devastating tornado had blown through my life and I was in shambles. With my 13-year marriage over and my life in an emotional upheaval, eventually I fell to my lowest point…living on disability and Medicaid. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I had let this happen. I had become very critical of myself yet my “spirit-self” kept urging me toward wholeness. I began to affirm for myself the belief that it’s not how many times I fall that matters, as much as not giving in or giving up. In time my resiliency skills grew stronger through therapy. Eventually, I went from Medicaid to college graduate, (at age 52), and became a fully functioning human being.

That entire experience taught me so much about myself and how to increase my resilience. I know what it takes to be resilient. Today I counsel and coach others on how to build and strengthen their own resiliency skills. Life has unfolded just as it should and I have become a stronger woman, not in spite of adversity, but because of it. The gift was finding a more genuine, authentic “me.”

Developing resiliency is a personal journey for each of us. An approach that works for one may not work for another. People use varying strategies and different qualities as strengths for their resiliency. Here are a number of different qualities and skills that can increase resilience.

SOCIABILITY

Developing healthy relationships with family, friends and others are in-valuable. Accepting help and support strengthens resilience. Being active in our community and helping others adds meaning, purpose and helps in putting our lives in perspective.

DON’T VIEW CRISIS AS INSURMOUNTABLE. 

Stressful events, unforeseen setbacks and personal losses happen and how we interpret and respond to them can mean the difference between success and failure. Our thoughts have energy; therefore, recognize where our thoughts can take us.