Identity

by Dan Joseph 

Growing up, I was what you would call an overachiever. I always tried to be the best at everything. Sometimes I’d pull it off – I’d get the best grade in the class, and feel great. Other times I’d fall short in my efforts, and feel terrible. Through it all, I kept striving to be the best.

This went on for years. Eventually I made it into an Ivy League university. It seemed, at the time, like the greatest achievement. I remember walking around campus taking in the sights like I was in paradise.

Then a funny thing happened. I began to feel disoriented. I had spent my life in a quest for achievement, and had made it to a top school. But now what? I was an achiever; however, there was nothing left to achieve. The A’s and B’s weren’t giving me the needed fix.

That was the beginning of a downward spiral. Looking back, it was like an addict who had built up a tolerance to a drug. I needed more achievements – bigger and better ones. If I couldn’t top my previous accomplishments, I felt terrible.

A little more than a year after I entered college, I began to feel desperate. I had achieved even more by that time – I had set up a business, landed a resume – building job, and so forth…and was very unhappy. It was at that point I began working with A Course in Miracles.

The Course introduced me to a radically new philosophy. It said every one is inherently, perfectly worthy – regardless of what we’ve done or haven’t done. It said there is nothing we can do to change our worth. It encouraged us to simply practice forgiveness in order to strip away the veneer of our false concepts and reveal this inherent, unchangeable worth.

Those ideas were a shock to me. My worth wasn’t coming from achievements? There was nothing I could do to increase or decrease my worth? It made my mind spin and it began to give me a sense of an identity I had never before seen.

A Choice

According to the Course, our sense of identity is split between two poles: the ego and the spirit. No one has a full spirit-identification, and no one is completely identified with the ego. We’re all somewhere in between.

You could say the spiritual path involves shifting our identification from one of these poles to the other. We make the choice to identify with the spirit, and thus begin to resolve the sense of split.

Basic Beliefs Of The Ego And The Spirit.

The ego-oriented part of the mind isn’t very supportive. It tells us things like: “You know, you’re a rather lacking person. But if you accomplish this thing and get that thing, you might have a decent chance of redeeming yourself.” That belief system keeps us locked in endless quests for achievement and acquisition. Before the Course, I didn’t know any other way to go through life.

The spirit-centered part, on the other hand, says: “You have everything, because you are enfolded in the love of God. In fact, you have so much worth and peace and gifts within that you only need to give them away. The treasures you have are limitless, and they’ll grow in your awareness as you share them.”

What a different message! These two belief systems – one of worthlessness and scarcity, the other of worth and abundance – inspire completely different approaches to life.

To illustrate the difference, think about how each of these play out in human relationships. If we approach relationships from the ego’s perspective, we’ll constantly be trying to get and grab things from people: attention, affection, respect, approval.

On the other hand, when we approach relationships from spirit’s perspective, things are completely different. Each person gives us an opportunity to extend our blessings and share our gifts. Each encounter allows us to increase our awareness of our inner treasures. We give from our abundance, and find, miraculously, our abundance increases.

To use Course terminology, this is the primary difference between a “special relationship” and a “holy relationship.” In special relationships, we try to get things from others we believe are lacking within. We essentially try to steal a sense of worth from others.

In holy relationships, on the other hand, we don’t try to grab or steal anything. Instead, we give, knowing whatever we give will be increased. We give expressions of love. We share a sense of worth. We focus on the innocence and holiness of the person and as we do our own sense of innocence and worth increases.

Again, the primary choice is whether to identify with the spirit or ego. A Course in Miracles uses a little logic to persuade us in our choice. It points out that we can’t completely abandon the spirit, so the only real way to resolve the split is by completely abandoning the ego. We do this by making the choice for the spirit – to share its beliefs, and follow its inspiration.

Practice

I always like to bring these ideas to a practical level. Let me share an exercise you can try.

When you have a few minutes go to a public place; a shop, restaurant, park, etc. Look around at the people. Notice what your reactions are to them. If you’re like most, you may find yourself engaging in a great deal of evaluation and comparison.

For example, you may catch yourself thinking: “He looks more successful than me. She’s thinner than I am. He’s older. She’s glamorous,” and so forth. This is what the ego does all day. It’s constantly engaged in a series of comparisons. This increases our sense of separation and contributes to scarcity-based competitive drives.

If you do uncover thoughts like those, simply note them. Then ask for help in seeing everyone as the spirit does. You may want to focus on the inherent worth of everyone you see. You can say, for example:

Spirit of God, help me to see the inherent worth of these people. Help me see them as perfectly innocent. Show me their beauty and loveliness, and help me to feel my own.

Then allow the spirit’s perspective to replace the ego’s perspective to whatever degree you’re able. You’ll know you’re succeeding if you begin to feel a sense of tenderness and warmth toward the people – a sense that you’re in the presence of people who are beautifully worthy and interesting.

As you begin to perceive people through the spirit’s vision, you can apply that same vision to yourself. You, too, are perfectly worthy – not because of any accomplishment, but because you’re a creation of God. Your value is set far beyond any human scale. That is what the spirit’s perspective reveals.

copyright© all rights reserved - Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles. http://www.DanJoseph.com