An Interview With Debbie Ford

Q What is the best way to use these questions?

Debbie I think the best way is to focus on an area of your life where you are struggling, where you feel anxious, unfulfilled or where you aren’t creating the results you desire. Then create a clear goal about what you would like to experience in this area of your life. Once you have your goal clearly defined — whether it’s to start your own business or get into a great relationship or re-organize your home. Spend a few minutes at the beginning of each day bringing this vision clearly in your awareness. Then carry the questions with you throughout the day to determine whether the choice you’re about to make will bring you closer to your goal or further away. "The Right Questions" act as a reference point. When you’re about to go off course, or use an excuse or justify your behaviors, they bring you back in the presence of what you really want. Awareness is the key to changing any limiting pattern or behavior.

Which of the 10 questions do you use most often in your life?

Debbie It depends what’s going on with me at the time, but I love the question, "Will This Choice Empower or Disempower Me?" because I love how I feel after I’ve made an empowering choice. I love that feeling of being strong and ready and at the top of my game. And when I’ve made a choice that disempowers me, I know immediately because I feel tired, weak, resentful, and my internal dialog reflects my own self-doubt. Asking this "right question" helps me to realize that empowerment often occurs as a result of the little choices — like returning a phone call or confronting an issue when I don’t really feel like it. I use this question a lot because it reminds me that empowerment is a gift that only I can give myself.

I also love the question, "In This Moment, Am I Looking for What’s Right or Am I Looking For What’s Wrong?" — because like so many people, I am hard wired to look for what’s wrong. What’s wrong with me; what’s wrong with someone else; what’s wrong with the world in general. When we focus on what’s wrong we are guaranteed a life of discontent, frustration and struggle. By shifting the lens of our perception to focus on what’s right we transform a moment of pettiness and disappointment into a moment of appreciation and gratitude. After all, there is a lot that is right with our lives! Asking this "right question" forces us to look and find what’s correct.

Can you use "The Right Questions" with your children?

Debbie Absolutely. I shared a story in the book about how I used "The Right Questions" with my 8-year-old son, Beau. He didn’t feel like doing his homework one day. He was in the middle of playing video games and was having so much fun he didn’t want to stop. I knew that I could force him to do his homework but I didn’t want to reinforce his belief that homework is a drag. I really wanted to inspire him to see homework as something he wants to do. So I casually asked Beau, "Do you want to go to college?" He quickly said, "Yes." Then I asked him, "Do you want to be as smart as your mom and dad when you grow up?" Again he said, "Yes." Now he was present to a vision for his future. Then I asked him, "Will doing your homework bring you closer to your goal of going to college and being as smart as your mom and dad or will it take you further away from that goal?" Beau’s eyes widened and his face perked up. I then asked him to imagine going to school the next day without having done his homework. I asked him, "Would this choice make you feel good about yourself or would it make you feel different, ashamed or embarrassed?" It just took a moment for Beau to turn off his Nintendo and walk into the living room where his homework was waiting. Beau chose to do his homework, not because I forced him, but because "The Right Questions" allowed him to clearly see for himself that it was in his highest and best interest to do so.

In your book you state that many of us are run by a "default map." What do you mean?

Debbie Each of our choices is guided by one of two maps A vision map, which is a deliberate plan for our future, or a default map, which is the automatic programming of our past. Our default map is filled with our excuses, whims and unconscious reactions. When we take direction from our default map, we do not move closer to our dreams, rather we remain stuck in the same repetitive patters and habitual behaviors. By asking the right questions before we make a choice, we shift ourselves away from automatic, repetitive patters and toward deliberate focused steps that will lead us toward the out-comes we desire.