What’s a dark inner dialogue? Just what it sounds like A negative tug-of-war in the unseen recesses of your mind where you’re the only one pulling on both ends of the rope. Still more to the point, being in a dark inner dialogue is finding yourself losing a heated argument when there’s no one else in the room with you!

What causes these dark inner dialogues? Resentment. So, here’s a key thought to help you release this self-wrecking inner state Holding onto some hurt or hatred — over what someone may have done to you in the past makes you that person’s slave in the here and now.

If you’re tired of being a slave to a painful relationship out of your past, this study in how to release resentments is sure to bring welcome relief. It is important to understand that resentment is a bitter pill made up of two layers. The first layer is created by our refusal to be self-ruling; saying "yes" when we really want to say "no!" is one good example. Fawning before others for fear of their reprisal is another. Both weak actions breed resentment, because our wish to falsely accommodate compromises our natural need to be self-commanding.

The second layer is resentment’s "active" ingredient, the psychological component that keeps it alive and unwell. This is the dark inner dialogue. These unconscious conflicts, in dialogue form, play themselves out in our mind by painfully reenacting various scenes from our past; moments gone by in which we either know, or sense, we were compromised by our own weakness.

If these inner dialogues were left to themselves as they popped into our mind, they’d be as powerless to disturb us, as an echo is to change its own sound. Where we get into trouble, when resentment rules is when we’re unknowingly drawn into these scenes out of our past and find ourselves interacting with a cast of ghost players! The ensuing mental dialogue is always a desperate but futile attempt to change what has already been said and done so that maybe this time around we can come out a winner. One good example of this kind of dark inner dialogue is giving someone a heated piece of your mind — when he or she is not around to hear it!

CHOOSING YOUR NEW DIRECTION

Are you tired of going twelve rounds in routine fight scenes that seem to always turn out the same? Try this step for the winning solution.

Each time you catch yourself in a dark inner dialogue of any kind use your awareness of the conflict it’s creating within you as a springboard to help you leap out of those scary scenes from your past into the safety of the present moment. Then instead of giving yourself back over to those inner voices of conflict remain aware of their beckoning presence while you remain aware of yourself in the present moment.

No matter how many times you hear in your mind those fighting words that have always prompted you to jump into that dark dialogue, refuse to join in. Ground yourself in your awareness of the present moment. The unconscious resentment responsible for creating heated scenes from the past cannot follow you into the now, which mean no dark inner dialogue can tag along either. Why? Because when you’re no longer a captive of your own past, you can recognize its ghost voices as the source of psychic intrusion they really are.

Learn to ask for a happy, new life by refusing to relive what’s been tearing at you.

Excerpted from Design Your Destiny, Copyright 1999