Dr. Witkin also pointed to an increase in certain health conditions worsened
by stress, like asthma. The C.D.C. says that from 1980 to 1994, the most recent
period with available figures, the incidence of asthma among 5 to 14-year-olds
increased 75 percent.
"The best predictor of how a child will cope with stress is how the
parent copes," said Dr. Edward Christophersen, a clinical psychologist at
Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, "If a stressed mother
slams the door and throws down her keys, she is teaching her child one way to
relieve stress," Dr. Christophersen said. "If she goes out for a jog,
meditates or practices yoga, she is teaching other ways."
Some children need to be taught how to cope. One of Dr. Christophersen’s
favorite techniques is to use bubbles to teach children that slow, even
breathing can relieve anger and stress. Children learn quickly that if they blow
too hard or too softly, they will not produce bubbles. But steady breaths will
produce a nice stream.
After the youngsters have mastered bubble blowing, Dr. Christophersen asks
them to practice once or twice a day, first with bubbles and then without, and
instructs them to blow their imaginary bubbles when they are angry or upset.
Parents are supposed to do the same.
"If you are taking your daughter to get shoes and there’s a parking
space in front of the store and it’s raining like crazy and somebody takes the
spot at the last second, you say, `Help mommy blow her bubbles,’ " the
psychologist instructed. "It’s the parent’s teaching the kid how to get
angry."
Most parents think headaches, stomachaches, crying and yelling are signs of
stress — and they are, according to Dr. Witkin. Other signs, too, often go
undetected, including nightmares and a tendency for a child to want to be alone.
Experts say temperament plays an important role in stress. "Each of us is
born with a different quotient of anxiety," said Dr. Marc A. Nemiroff, a
clinical psychologist in Potomac, Maryland. "Some of us pop out more prone
to anxiety than others. Some of us are placid and some of us are not, and we
just came into the world that way."
Consider Jeffrey, 11, from a Kansas City suburb, who does well in school, has
many friends and pitches for his baseball team. By all appearances, he is well
adjusted.
But Jeffrey’s mother, Kim, who insisted the family’s surname not be
printed, was troubled by her son’s tendency to become "very nervous about
unknown situations." He withdrew from performing in school programs and
sometimes felt so tense on the baseball field that it affected his game. The
mother took him to Dr. Melanie Jones, a clinical psychologist in Overland Park,
Kansas.
Dr. Jones used what psychologists call visual imaging with Jeffrey. She
taught him to imagine himself in the school play or on the pitcher’s mound and
then take deep breaths to relax. When the parents saw their son showing signs of
nervousness at games, they flashed him the thumbs-up sign as a reminder to
practice breathing.
"This whole relaxation thing for him has been very important," the
mother said. "He goes out there now, and knows he can relax himself. He’s
had a fabulous season. His first game this year, he had 14 strikeouts."
As child psychologists have come to recognize the value of such techniques,
the methods are increasingly being taught in schools. "If kids can manage
stress and feel better about themselves, they will do better in school,"
said Dr. Dorothy Youngs, counseling supervisor for the Piscataway, New Jersey
schools. "The counselors there use a range of techniques," Dr. Youngs
said. "One plays relaxation tapes for fourth and fifth graders. Another
counselor fills latex balloons with flour and shows the children how to squeeze
them to relieve stress. Another counselor has created a ‘stress basket."
"The students write down stressful events on a piece of paper and they
throw it in the basket to get rid of it," Dr. Youngs said.
At Rosemary Hills Primary School, Mississippi, Ms. Minner teaches her charges
that positive thinking can control anxiety. Using the image of a garden, she
tells the children that they can plant "weed seeds," negative
thoughts, or "flower seeds," positive thoughts. Weeds can be
transformed into flowers.
"Confidence," Ms. Minner said, "is essential to overcoming
stress." She opens her seminar by asking students what confidence looks
like, striking two poses — one hunched and cowardly, the other prideful and
erect. Then she leads the children in a mock victory dance, a "confidence
march," so they can feel confidence for themselves.
"I tell them the purpose of the group is to wake up our feelings of
confidence," she said. "It’s almost like not teaching. I am simply
directing them to what is already there."
