My Best Friend 
by Chris Bell

Haven’t you ever wondered who was the best friend in your life? I did for so many years think about this question but never did inquire beyond the surface to which person fit this image.

Down through the years I have had many so-called "best friends" but best ? not really. This person kept evading me all the time, yet she was a wonderful person who kept away from me because of my anger towards her.

She was always smarter than me; not a show off like myself who craved attention in an ever-increasing manner. When she was around me I was always looking to lash out at her since I felt she was the enemy, but more than not she didn’t start the arguments that just kept driving us apart. At times she would come back at me with the same intense feelings that I was projecting upon her.

For years the pain followed us, neither one of us knowing why. Then she disappeared. I couldn’t find her and I became intensely afraid that something had befallen her.

Then one day I answered the phone and her voice penetrated the air. I was so pleased to hear from her that I could hardly suppress my excitement that she had made the first move — for the moment.

But that was short lived. The anger started to surface and then there was silence at the other end as my rage began to escalate. Then before I knew what had happened she said "Good-bye." Three or four years passed and things weren’t going so good for me. I felt lost and didn’t know what to do with myself.

Our religious ideals had grown apart — she seemed to have always been different — a little strange. Yet, she was as constant as a time piece. Me, I had come apart at the seams and never trusted anyone enough to open up to them. But the person I could truly talk to was just a phone call away, but as usual foolish pride prevailed until 1989 when I discovered that my best friend was my loving sister who I had missed even though I had never shown it to her. Hearing her voice again rekindled hope that I had not lost her forever. Expressing myself in an honest manner wasn’t all that easy, far from it. There was much to talk about and I know now that calling her was the smartest move I ever made towards this personal and close relationship.

Our parents probably weren’t even aware of the hardships being brought on by their actions. How my sister and I were pulled into a black hole, an abyss where anger and even hatred ruled our lives — not ones of love and compassion. All my life I’ve had this love to give someone, but never was I willing to compromise. I had become the spiting image that my father had ingrained in me so many years before, so I would rule or try to rule my best friend in the same way. I felt she needed my guidance but I should have been the one seeking help.

Yet, through time I grew worse and weary, while she grew strong and confident. Since the last two months of my life in 1989, my love has started to blossom towards my sister. I have never felt as close as I do now. She will receive the love that she never got from her brother, and the compassion and most of all the respect for what, who she is.

We have both grown at different angles, but in adulthood, as we know it, our lives have begun to run parallel. On this day of self-reflection, I called my best friend to tell her about what I had written. She was pleased because in her voice I heard it start to crack with emotion. With all my heart I give to you, my best friend, my undying devotion and the thing we all seek without reservation — Love.