by Matthew Name

This is about holding that truth we have worked so hard to find. I’m not perfect. I have gone to group meditations and experienced life changing energy work and have been transformed; yet two days later I was right back in a rage over something not even my business. There are a few reasons we regress back to old behavior. Here are a couple of them

1. When we truly let go, we often feel very empty inside and that emptiness is very uncomfortable.

2. We were not entirely ready to change and as it turns out we only wanted to try on the new suit, not wear it indefinitely. The new suit isn’t broken in! So even though the old suit is warn out, it’s more comfortable. Don’t worry, you have tasted the new suit and you will put it on again and be more comfortable in it.

3. The four aspects of self aren’t all on the same page yet, spiritual self, mental self, emotional self, and physical self. Many times the mental, emotional, or physical self are in polarity in some way with the other aspects of self and needs to be coaxed into letting go and moving forward. Until the conflict is resolved, there will always be a pull back towards the old. The spiritual self is leading the pack so you will not have to question it; however, you may ask it for guidance for resolving the conflict with the other aspects.

Concentrate on the life change or issue that you’re working on that’s giving the conflict and take a minute to see how you’re thinking. Then, how you’re feeling emotionally? When I get to the body, I think about the change or issue and I pay attention to where the tension and discomfort are in my body and go from there.

I like to use dialoguing techniques if it’s my mind that’s racing with doom and gloom about said changes. I ask my mind what it’s getting out of the doom and gloom? Pay close attention to the answer and keep asking questions until you can offer up a nurturing solution to the mental aspect of yourself. Recently I did this and found stuff on the emotional level. There was huge fear in my heart of being terrorized again (an early childhood experience). I could feel my heart weeping when we were done. It isn’t that it was released as much as we are in agreement to walk through the fear. I then go through all the aspects of myself. After going through this exercise I usually come up with something interesting which helps me on my transformation. I’ve never had it be a waste of time.

Okay by now, the four aspects are in agreement, and there is a strong commitment to stay wearing the new suit! And along the way certain things have been completely released and you’re wondering, how to fill the void without pigging out on Ice Cream? I know, Bryers may be all natural but it isn’t a healthy form of therapy. Stuffing the emptiness will also prolong the transformation.

If you’re like me on this path of transformation, I sometimes feel like someone hollowed out my chest. After a major shift I sort of walk around for a day or two just completely empty and thinking if someone says the wrong thing I will either be forced to hit them or cry real loud. It isn’t the most comfortable place to be, but it’s very important that we are there sometimes. During this period, comfort yourself without trying to fill or stuff the void. The void will be filled in it’s own time by the spiritual self. In this culture of immediate gratification we have forgotten that there is nothing wrong with being empty. Think of it as a house. Which would you prefer, a house full of furniture you love, or just full of what ever you can find quickly? Found quickly solutions only lead to unwanted drama and unending chaos.

Slow down, relax, and breathe deeply. Here are a few ideas of how to occupy your time in a constructive manner and help hold your space. First you will need some reading material. Avoid fiction, I personally read, In Light Times, before going to bed, or any metaphysical magazines with enlightening articles. I find it helps keep me in a good spirit. However if you can’t read one more inspirational thing to save your life get a book on ship building, or a technical reference on how to prune a tree.

For Goddess sake turn that TV off! Pick up that old hobby of needlepoint, or beading, or make a fabulous dinner and invite only guests that can hold an inspiring conversation. Learn how to play an instrument, write letters to old friends, take a yoga class. Work in your garden. Don’t have a garden? Plant one! Just find something you can do that gives you joy, and also allows you to practice mindful meditation.

On a fixed budget? Go to the library and look through all the metaphysical books and tapes. I can spend all day looking at books in the library and it cost me nothing. There are lots of churches and groups that offer meditation for free as well.

Of course the best way to keep that space of transformation you have worked so hard to achieve is by taking a few minutes in the morning and evening to practice meditation. Running around unmeditated isn’t a good thing.

At some point we have all had to find our voice, our vision, and or our sense of who we are! That sentence sounds a little trite when we stop and look back at how much inner and outer work we have all done on ourselves! That is why before you move on please take a moment to congratulate yourself on coming this far on your journey. Self-love is the greatest love of all and what better act of self-love than self-gratitude.