 The Biggest Tree?by Laura Hess What would you do if asked to complete a very specific
task with very specific rules? (It depends on the task, right?) What
if the task was to go into a forest, chop down the biggest tree you
could find and come out on the other side of the forest with your
tree? What
if there were rules: 1.
You may pass through the forest only once. 2.
You must leave the forest as soon as you chop down a tree. 3.
You may chop down only one tree. 4.
You may not go backwards - you must always move toward the other side of the forest. That’s
it. Would you take it on? You probably already take it on, in some
fashion, at least once every 60 seconds! Every time you make a
decision, you are metaphorically chopping down what you believe to be
the biggest tree in the forest. By definition that’s what decision
making is all about — eliminating all other options! For example,
assume you’re making a simple decision about what to eat for lunch.
Step into the forest of lunch-time options. You’re
going to make one choice, eat one lunch and, when lunch is over,
you’re back to work. Look at other decisions you make every day —
the clothes you wear each day, which bills to pay, the route you
travel to work. You enter the forest with each decision looking for
the biggest tree, the best option. I
was asked that question the first time about ten years ago. I was at
one of the forks in my road and I was struggling. (This was well
before I found coaching and learned struggle really is an option, not
an absolute.) I was single then and dating a number of different men.
None of them was “Mr. Right” even though they were all wonderful
people. I went from one to the next never allowing myself to get too
close. I was convinced if I made a commitment I’d miss somebody
“better.” My
friend (a therapist) put the question to me about the biggest tree.
The question made me stop and look at where my struggle was coming
from and what I was willing to do about it. First,
I knew I didn’t want to end up on the other side of the forest
without a tree — that felt like failure to me and not something
I’ve ever been comfortable with. More than failing, though, was
wandering through the forest and doing nothing — taking no action,
making no decision and feeling lost. I had to understand making a
decision, any decision, would move me forward and out of the forest. I
had to let go of needing to be perfect and make “right” choices
and accept any choice had some benefit to me. It’s a little like the
cliche, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I don’t
know about you, for me, looking for greener grass has not brought joy
or happiness to my life. On
a deeper level, I looked at choices I was making in my life. I was not
willing to make a decision and stay with it because I was afraid I
might miss something else. I was depriving myself of joy and pleasure
in the moment —
constantly looking into a future I couldn’t see in hopes of catching
a glimpse of something better. While
I was dating and seldom alone, I was lonely. I examined my
relationships, DECIDED none of them was the biggest tree and chose to
keep walking. I looked at everything in my life and asked, “So? What
are you waiting for? If this isn’t what you want, why are you
settling? If it is what you want, why are you still looking?” I can
point to this period of my life as one of my major transition and
growth times. Here
are a couple of things you can do for yourself to move you forward on
your own path. Once again, it all sounds simple and I guarantee,
it’s not easy. 1.
Look at all areas of your life. Where are you not satisfied? Where do
you think there’s something missing? 2.
For each of your responses, identify the source of the dissatisfaction
and what it is you believe is missing. 3.
In a “perfect world” how would these things be different? What
would your life look like? … feel like? 4.
What choices have you made that have created the world you live in?
What decisions have you made (not made) to keep you where you are?
What are you afraid of? This
is a process requiring intro-spection and courage. I know I wasn’t
always happy about the answers I gave to the questions. Your answers
are not nearly as important, though, as what you do with your new
knowledge and learning about yourself. You
can have what you want, stop searching and live happily and in joy if
you choose to. Decide for yourself because if you don’t somebody
else will decide for you. Which way would you rather have it? I know
it’s possible to be surrounded by the biggest trees you’ve ever
seen. It’s impossible for you to make a wrong choice so just decide.
Your life can be different beginning now. You can contact Laura Hess at laura@sparckint.com |
