Why Gossip Is Bad For You

by Karen Berg

Why are we attracted to the negativity of others? Hearing the stories, witnessing the scenes. Little do we know that participating in this energy hinders our spiritual growth and keeps us from achieving the miracles we desire. Learn how to avoid these pitfalls and improve your relationships.

Have you ever wondered why people so enjoy hearing terrible things about others? I must admit that even I sometimes say, ”What! When did that happen?” What is the mechanism that causes people to react in this way? Think about it. When you find out your friend is having an affair or when you know a special secret no one else knows, isn’t it interesting how knowing these things gives you an adrenaline rush? I think this is the reason why Americans are so addicted to movies. The fact is that most of us who gossip about the affairs of others do so simply because we feel unfulfilled in our own lives; we look to the misery or excitement that others experience as a way to take our minds off our own drudgery or perhaps because it exposes us to a better or more interesting way of being.

There is an expression I use a lot, which is simply, busy people are not busybodies.  When you have a life that is satisfying and you love what you do and who you are, then it is difficult for you to find the time or the enthusiasm to become involved in other people’s affairs. Yet most of the time, the main drawback to our spiritual development and our ability to go beyond our present state of consciousness, is our Malchut, namely, our mouth. We do more damage than we can imagine simply by not practicing restriction. We don’t know what silence is really all about.

One of the best things we can do when we speak to someone is try not to introduce anyone else into the conversation. Just say, ”I’m working on my own spiritual growth therefore, I need to practice speaking only to you and I must not bring anyone else into our conversation” (unless it’s a matter of passing interest, such as: ”Jim went to do some shopping today.” However, what you should not say is: ”Do you know how much money Jim spent on his furniture?” That in itself (asking about how much Jim spent) is not a problem but that statement is a hook into other conversations — such as gossiping about Jim and his finances. If you try this exercise, you will be amazed how difficult it really is.

The greatest detriment to our spiritual growth is our inability to control what we discuss. You might counter my assertion by saying it isn’t you who starts these conversations, but the exercise I’ve just mentioned should direct you how to get out of the heat before it becomes a fire.

As a rule, people who find it difficult to enjoy their own lives are attracted to the negativity of people around them. That way they can say, ”Well, at least I have more than so-and-so does.” Try this little exercise, which I have given you; you will find it very difficult. If you succeed, you will gain, for yourself, more insight than you ever thought possible.

There is a second barrier to our spiritual growth, which, though not quite as destructive as the first, nonetheless creates a great deal of unnecessary misery. This is our inability to empathize with others. Generally, we are quick to judge other people and often respond instantaneously to a situation or problem. More often than not, we do not pause for that one moment to say to ourselves, ”If I were in his place, would I have done the same thing?” But do not think about what you would have done or not done from your own point of view. Instead, look at the situation from the other person’s point of view, as if you were in his consciousness, and try to understand him that way.

In all my years of talking with people and becoming involved with their problems, I have found a powerful tool to help me help them. The first thing I do is before sitting down with a person is to ask the Light to give me their consciousness. With that, I gain the ability to understand how their vessel can be prepared to receive what I have to offer them. But I am absolutely always fully aware the words that come from my mouth are not my own. Rather, when I am in this mindset I can open a channel so that the energy that appears to come from me is not mine at all but is from the Light.

We are all capable of being a conduit for the energy of the Light, but we usually don’t afford ourselves the opportunity because we believe in our own efforts, our own knowledge. But when it comes to other people, we need to be inside them — to feel their pain, their anxiety. For only then can we really be a friend to them, bringing forth the beauty inherent in them and enhancing their relationship with us and, of course, with everyone else around them.

One thing that is terribly important to remember is that when you hear something that appears mean or out of character coming from someone whom you love a lot, and it seems that that person is in a hurtful frame of mind, try not respond immediately. Take a deep breath and ask the energy of the Light to guide your words. Then draw the person into yourself and ask the Light. ”What happened here? How have I aggravated this person to a point where he is hurting so much that he strikes out?” Remember, sometimes people we love strike out at us because they have no one else on whom to vent their emotions. We do not always have to accept this behavior, but should try to help them in their fight against their internal demons.

Depression and anxiety are the tools of the Other Side to show us how far we can really get from the Light force. Remember, it’s only a test of our ability to face the many challenges the Light throws at us. If we succeed and live up to these challenges, we draw more Light than we can imagine.

Karen Berg is dedicated to introducing the teachings of Kabbalah to the world, and expanding the role of women in spirituality and in the global community. For additional information: www. Kabbalah.com or for local Las Vegas Chapter call 702-243-0559.

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