 This
is a story that hasn’t been told publicly. Honestly, if I was reading this story,
I’m not sure I’d believe it, since it involves miracles, sixth sense, out of
body experiences, and angelic visitations. However, I lived these events and know them to
be true. I write them, because I believe humanity as a whole is beginning to experience
"events" such as these in greater numbers. Events that are beyond our existing
willingness or ability to comprehend in any way that makes "logical" sense, and
therefore we all too often simply dismiss them. I hope this story will help others open to
miracles, rather than allowing them to be dismissed.What I’ve realized is miracles don’t usually flow in linear logical sense. What I’ve discovered is the depth and breadth of what miracles have to offer is so much grander and more complex than our analytical minds can comprehend—that we must learn how to open to "faith." So, this process of mine, required me to learn the art of "faith." And that, perhaps, was the greatest lesson this strange adventure has offered me, which doesn’t mean there aren’t other mammoth lessons it has offered as well, only that "faith" was the central core lesson. This odyssey began one quiet Southern California evening as the ocean breeze whispered in my window joined by the platinum glow of a full moon. But, let me regress a bit. A few odd life events led up to this moment. First, I had left my job about a month prior to this. I had a "secure" job in an aerospace company, with retirement, healthcare, and all the other bricks in the wall of security. A wall I thought to be protecting me from a dangerous world, but seemed more and more to be imprisoning me in an illusion.of security that was indeed choking the life air out of my lungs as the walls of my office seemed to get smaller and smaller. So, one day…I walked out. I had no "new job" to go to, no plans to go back to school, no plans period! I don’t know why I did it. Like an irresistible urge, it felt right, and I went with it. So what did I do? Well the first thing I did was to go down to the Mexican restaurant down the street, and order a shot of tequila and a Corona. This seemed like a good start, so I repeated this step a couple more times and then called my wife to ask her to join me so I could share my story of how I "walked out" of my secure job. Somehow, it didn’t seem as exciting and amusing to her. Might have been the tequila she hadn’t had. However, once I sobered up, I realized that whatever inspired me to walk out of my job of 5 years wasn’t too keen on the idea of my using my newly found leisure time smoking cigarettes and drinking tequila. For some reason, deep inside, I knew that there was "purpose" to this act. So, I quit smoking and drinking. I quit watching television, and rarely listened to the radio, and didn’t pick up a newspaper either for weeks on end. I spent most days at the beach, under the Huntington Beach Pier, watching the waves roll in. That’s it. I almost lost my mind, as that ocean became a mirror reflecting my soul to me. All the things in my busy haunted brain began coming up. Fears of what the hell I was doing, fears of how financial disaster would consume my family. Guilt, guilt of who I was, what I was doing, and what I’d done to everyone in my life. But, I would not turn away from that ocean. I stared into the heart of whatever it offered me. I meditated. I exercised. I did my T’ai Chi relentlessly. I went for long walks at night (again no television, which was excruciatingly hard to resist). In retrospect, all these new habits were cleansing me in preparation for this cool California night. At about 3 AM I awoke. I’ve called this a dream before, but I know I was actually awake. I awoke to the feeling of a light, an energy essence, in the center of my head or mind. This light was also a feeling, so pure and exquisite, that I was instantly drawn to trust it and completely relaxed within it. Then a similar light suddenly illuminated in the center of my heart. I was lifted physically, but also in thought and feeling to a state so pure and clear I felt safe in absolutely opening to whatever was about to come. This was my first true experience "in faith." At the moment I decided to trust, a communication was made to me by a being of light. Not someone I saw in a physical body, but a consciousness I felt in my entire being. The name that comes to mind is "angel" so that’s the word I’ll use. This angel "communicated" to me, “I am about to show you what life could be like.” And then the ride began… The light, or illumanessance, that had begun in my mind and heart, suddenly expanded like a violent explosion. Although it was the opposite of violent, it was perfection, love, and learning, acceptance and limitlessness. I expanded as if I had become this light. I saw the ceiling of my room rushing at me, and then observed the wood of the ceiling beams, the attic, and emerged through the roof to expand up through the pine trees swaying in the cool ocean breeze as I continued through them toward the sky and the silver moon. What was strange about this was that it wasn’t as if I was flying "past" things, it was as if I was "becoming" these things I expanded past. I felt as though I was feeling all the joy and pain of everyone everywhere on this tiny blue orb in the vastness of black space, and it felt so incredibly precious. Each voice, thought, and emotion that existed beneath the fragile thin blue layer of Earth’s atmosphere was so lovely beyond description. And the fact that I and others were so blind to this beauty that we moved through in our lives broke my heart in a way that I have never felt in even my most painful moments. I was a broken man, and yet I was limitless. My loss of self and expansion throughout others enabled me to drop my weights, walls, and boundaries. Nothing I had done, no matter how despicable, was too much to feel and face, for within my ability to face and feel who I was, I knew that forgiveness and redemption filled the space in my breaking heart. I became a vortex. I had no need to hide from who I was, for I knew within this light all things are known. There is nothing we have, or can, ever do that the light does not see, accept, and forgive…instantly, and without reproach. We have nothing to hide. Then, in the midst of this catharsis, I suddenly became afraid. The instant that I feared…my expansion ended. I immediately collapsed backward and downward within to slam into my body sitting upright in bed gasping for breath. The sound was like a massive cosmic vault door slamming shut with a vacuum that could suck in a universe. And there I was, alone, and more naked than I had ever been in my life, at 3 am on that dark but moonlit night. I had experienced a universalness that would alter everything. I realized fear and doubt were at the core of most of our human problems. Whether it be greed, violence, hate or anger, the basis for it was that someone feared someone or something else. I awoke with a mindful of concepts, poems, thoughts, that literally buzzed within me. I had to get up from bed and go out to my kitchen table where I found a pen and began to write. I wrote furiously and relentlessly for several months. All my free time was used to write down these ideas that would not let me be. I wrote while I was driving on the freeway (and almost had a couple of wrecks), I’d feel a wave of emotion while watching a movie and run off to the bathroom where I’d record those feelings onto a scrap of paper, or paper towel. I spent more time writing at work, than I did working (I can say that now, I think the statute of limitations has expired on it.) This was very "strange" behavior for me. I never was one to write much, especially poetry. It had always seemed like a sissy thing to me and the guys I grew up with. But here I was at 3 am, writing poetry. The very first thing that flowed through me that night was the following poem. Before you read this poem, I want to explain something. The "I" in this poem is not "me, Bill Douglas." The "I" in this poem is "the light", for these stories and poems seemed to be the product of "an inspiration, or inspirator", and I am simply acting as a scribe or secretary: I have come to heal this world. From the writings came several manuscripts on personal and global healing, manuscripts for two children’s books, and a large stack of poetry. However, it got to a point where my doubt began to creep in, and whatever angelic force had started this journey seemed to think I needed an ethereal "kick in the butt." And indeed I did, for I was about to give up all this writing/poetry foolishness. It wasn’t putting bread on the table, and I began to feel a little stupid about it all. One evening, several months after my expansion experience, my sister called from Kansas. Her voice sounded odd, and her message sounded even odder. She said, “Mom came to me in a dream last night (our Mother had died a couple of years before), and she asked me to talk to you. First she took me to a white room with a stack of papers in the middle and began to leaf through them. She told me to look what Jr.’s been doing” (Mom always called me Jr.). My sister continued, “then Mom showed me a book of poems and a couple of books that had something to do with children.” This was unbelievable, because most of my work had been on the poems and the manuscripts for children’s books. There is no way my sister even knew I was writing, let alone what I was writing in such specific detail. I just broke down and cried. I had felt so alone, following nothing more than a "feeling" that I was supposed to write these thoughts down, and now to have not only recognition, but a pat on the back "atta boy" from Mom. My sister went on, “Mom said, you are feeling very funny about doing this, and you don’t know why or if you should continue. Mom told me to tell you that what you are doing and writing is very important. She asked me to tell you to look back in history and note that many of those who profoundly changed humanity weren’t rulers or officially recognized, but were those who manifested their spiritual side. She said that is what you are learning how to do. She said people all over the world are trying to learn how to do it too, and if you write down what you are feeling, it will be helpful to them as they do it.” Eventually, we sold everything and moved to Kansas City. When we got here, I was unpacking and came across a note my Mom had written to me the night before she died. As I said, miracles don’t happen in a linear logical way. For she’d written me this note many years before, and I had forgotten all about it, until for some reason I decided to open just the right box and there was Mom’s note. I had tried to teach my Mom and Dad, and my relatives how to do T’ai Chi & Qigong years before, when first learning it. None of them were interested, and in fact, I think I was starting to annoy some of them with my "alternative health evangelism." So, I stopped trying. Anyway, Mom had asked us kids to come back to see her when she was going to have a routine angioplasty that wasn’t really dangerous. But she wanted us to come back, and insisted we pose with her for a family photo the night before. The next morning we were all waiting for Mom’s procedure to be over, when the surgeon came in and pulled down his mask, and said, “I’m sorry, but we lost her.” Like a circle a wave of sorrow washed through that room, as if to connect us all together through her presence one last time. Apparently, Mom knew she was going to die, because my sisters went to Mom’s room and found a book I’d loaned her the night before. In the book she left me this note, “I wish I could go back a couple of years and learn the art of relaxation you tried to teach me for a healthier life, I so wish I could have seen my grandchildren grow up.” So, finding this note at this time inspired me to begin teaching T’ai Chi & QiGong again. My classes grew very quickly, and many of my students began handing me research on a global health crisis caused by stress, and other research on how T’ai Chi & QiGong were likely the most effective way the world could avert this crisis. With this information people brought me, I expanded my classes to corporations, hospitals, schools, penal systems, etc. etc. It all happened so naturally. And the process began showing me in very concrete terms, what the "expanding" angel event had shown me that night years before. I began to realize in very practical terms, that "fear" was at the root of our problems. Our world "stress" is responsible for nearly 70% of all illness, and related to the six leading causes of death. In fact, US business is losing $300 billion per year due to stress and the UN World Health Organization warns of a global epidemic of stress induced depression. "Fear" is at the root of stress — stress is simply a response to fear. Our population implodes on itself when we fear obsessively. So, the wars, accidents and disasters we fear aren’t killing us, it’s the "fear" or "lack of faith" that is killing humans in epidemic numbers. T’ai Chi & QiGong are ancient tools that can help us, if used properly, let go of the fear that freezes our hearts. To do these exercises, the mind must let go of plans and memories, and muscles must relax. To let go of "mental control", and "physical tension" requires an act of faith. Einstein once said, “The most important thing one can ask yourself is thisÉis the universe a friendly place?” T’ai Chi & QiGong’s practice forces us to assume indeed the universe is friendly. For we cannot let down our mental/emotional "guard" if we believe otherwise. As we learn to let go of physical, emotional, and mental stress, we can learn to let go of fears. We can learn to move in faith, relaxed in knowing that as Walt Whitman once wrote, “all things are headed towards something good.” When these lessons had been learned, I guess I was ready for the next step, for one day I got a call from Macmillan Publishing in New York City. They were considering contracting me to write a "Complete Idiot’s Guide to T’ai Chi & QiGong." This was perfect, because I had, since my mother’s note, continually challenged myself to find fun and amusing ways to teach these ancient tools of "faith walking" (which are taught in a very serious way by many). I wanted to teach them in a way that people would enjoy and find useful so that they would stick with it and hopefully, "be able to see their grandchildren grow up." And Macmillan’s fun Complete Idiot’s Guide series was perfect! We were a match made in heaven. The day before I sent the final edit of the book to Macmillan, I included an idea that had floated into my mind. An idea that one day we would organize T’ai Chi & QiGong supporters worldwide to conduct mass public exhibitions to draw world attention to the global stress epidemic, and to inform people that these ancient health tools could save our world hundreds of billions of dollars annually in health care and business productivity savings. And then the ride began…(again). Mom’s note in the basement box, touched me back into that feeling of expansion through faith. When I started to fear, I remembered my experience that night, and about how I had collapsed when I feared. This memory, Mom’s speaking to me through the dream, and the discovery of Mom’s note, helped me walk off a financial cliff. I cashed in my 401(k) retirement fund, and maxed out my credit cards! I bought a copier, and fax machine, new computer, and hired media services, and flew to Hong Kong and China to begin organizing the first ever World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day. From the start there was something eerily miraculous about it. When staying at a hotel in Hong Kong, I went to the hotel business office to inquire about the cost of sending faxes to T’ai Chi departments at Universities in China. When the manager heard what I was doing, he not only didn’t charge me for the communications, but he turned over his entire office staff to work on World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day. We had one clerk on the internet contacting Chinese Universities, one clerk translating letters into Chinese for faxing, and another contacting local Hong Kong T’ai Chi groups. I ordered tea from room service and watched this miracle swirl around me. However, I did have moments of doubt. The goal of World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day, was to organize mass exhibitions of T’ai Chi & QiGong in cities worldwide. I had spoken to many schools and teachers, but really had no idea who was really going to do what, if anything. So, on April 9th, the day before the first ever World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day, I sat alone in my office surrounded by the expensive machines I’d bought with money I didn’t have, and stacks of faxes that represented thousands of dollars in phone bills. I made a last minute call to one of the first T’ai Chi schools that had signed on a few months prior. When I asked the teacher about World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day preparations, his response was, "World T’ai Chi Day…that sounds familiar…when is that?" I fell into a state of panicked shock. But, the next day numbers started coming in…Hong Kong 700 people doing T’ai Chi for World T’ai Chi Day, Los Angeles 500 people, 400 in Tel Aviv Israel, and hundreds in cities across Australia, Japan, South Africa, all over Europe, Puerto Rico, Brazil, the US and Canada. After the event two national and international QiGong organizations called. A Canadian filmmaker named Gari Garipolli began working with me to coordinate a new QiGong documentary he’d created for PBS entitled, "QiGong: Ancient Chinese Healing for the 21st Century" with World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day for the year 2000 (Saturday, April 8th, 2000). I got an interview on the event from Karate/Kung Fu Illustrated, Qi Journal gave the event four pages, and Inside Kung Fu’s running a story, the Fox News Network, the San Diego Tribune, K-Rock Radio in New York City, and magazines, newspapers, radio and television all over the world ran stories of it, even as a war raged in Europe. Through a media machine obsessed with a major war, we eked through a story of hope, healing, and global cooperation. And tens of thousands worldwide heard about something that may help them learn to walk in faith, and hopefully live to see their grandchildren grow up. A dream was created, or perhaps a dream was creating us, if we had the faith to let it unfold. Bill Douglas, Founder and Director of World T’ai Chi & QiGong Day www.worldtaichiday.org 10100 Roe Ave. Overland Park, KS 66207 • 913-648-2256 |
