by Robert Sidell

Take Control of Your Life!

A prosperous life is a life free from addictions. What is an addiction, after all, but a behavior that is different from what you want, a behavior you continue even though you wish to give it up.

There is a great empowerment that comes when you take control of your life and give up addictive behavior. You can be free of addictions, leaving behind unwanted behaviors, habits, and even emotional responses. It can be much easier than you ever imagined.

The approach I share with you has worked with amazing simplicity and effectiveness. I certainly encourage you to use any other systems you have found effective as well.

Step 1, Realize there are No addictions, only Choices!

If you really wish to be free from unwanted habits, you must first admit the reason you have not yet given them up is because you don’t want to. In truth, there are only choices!

Let me give an example in my own life. For many years I drank coffee. Like most people the caffeine would give me a very pleasant experience of high energy. But then I would start noticing it made me irritable, upset, and more anxious. It would leave me feeling listless, and slightly depressed.

I frequently would think it would be better not to drink the coffee, but then I would find myself thinking about the caffeine rush, the sense of well being. The next thing I knew I would have a cup of coffee. Then like clockwork, about 48 hours later, I would get a headache that would last a day. I even tried to figure out which pain relievers would be most effective to prevent the headache.

Then I started practicing complete self honesty. I admitted the reason why I drank the coffee was for the positive rush, but I was also choosing to have the headache as well. Gradually, as I drank the coffee I became more and more aware I was choosing the headache just as surely as I was choosing the caffeine rush.

Step 2, Give Up Self Judgement and Observe Yourself Honestly.

In order to honestly face our own choices, including some of the unpleasant side effects, we must be willing to give up self judgement. For example, with my coffee drinking, I didn’t judge or condemn myself simply because I was choosing to inflict a headache upon myself. I just observed the cause and effect relationship of coffee drinking and the subsequent headache.

The is the key to becoming free. Simply be extremely honest with yourself about the effects of your behavior. Give up all self judgement, or condemnation. Gradually you will become completely aware of what you are doing. You will cease suppressing from your mind the consequences of your behavior.

Step 3, Make A Fully Conscious Decision.

Once you have observed yourself for a period of time, without any self judgement, then your mind will begin to be much more aware of the full consequences of the behavior you are choosing. In my case what started to happen is that I realized I really didn’t want the headaches and bad moods associated with caffeine.

From a position of non-judgement you will be surprised how easy it is to make a decision about what you want. You may decide you want to continue the particular behavior, and the side effects are worth it. In fact, for me, there was a period where I decided the headaches were an acceptable tradeoff for the stimulation caffeine brought me.

The secret in making a full conscious decision is that you are not deceiving yourself, nor are you trying to force a particular outcome upon yourself. Rather, you are simply deciding what you really want to do!

This is the entire purpose of this process. It allows you to make an informed, self-honest decision about whether you wish to continue or discontinue a certain behavior.

Remember, there is only choice. Whatever you do is a choice, and your choice is neither good nor bad. It just has consequences! When you are clear about the consequences of your behavior, your decision will become much easier for you.

Step 4. Make a Commitment for a Particular Time Period.

If you do decide to change your behavior, then it is easiest to set a specific time period to try out your new choice. This offers two benefits. First, it gives a period of time to adjust to the new behavior (freedom from the addictive behavior). Second, it makes it easier to make the decision. The human mind is very strange about time. If you say you are giving up something forever, the mind may feel unsure, and perceive the task as overwhelming.

On the other hand, if you set up a period of time that appears realistic, and is not overwhelming, you will find it easy to make the decision. In my coffee example, I decided to give up coffee on my birthday for one year. That seemed like a long enough period of time to really move beyond coffee, and yet not so long that it didn’t give me the option of drinking it again if I wanted to.

Remember, this approach is based on being non-judgemental about the behavior. You may want to continue your habit, or not, and both choices are okay. After all, you are a mature, empowered human being. You can make whatever choice you feel is appropriate.

Once I made the decision to give up coffee for a year, it was amazingly simple to carry forward. You see, I was very clear that I wanted to make this choice. I knew that I would carry it out, and would not waver. Why? Because no one made me make the choice, it was made of my own free will without any judgement whatsoever.

I found that, having made this decision, coffee lost all temptation for me. Since I knew I wasn’t going to drink any of it, then I no longer went through the process of thinking whether I should have a cup of coffee, with all of the temptation involved. That entire process was simply cut out of my mind. I had made my decision, and knew I was going to keep it.

This is the secret of this technique. When you decide to change your behavior, think carefully about the decision for as long as you want before you make it. Don’t make it lightly, or based on other people’s recommendations. Make the decision only because you want to.

Then having made the decision, since it is your decision, based on a fully informed, fully clear analysis, you will find it is very easy to keep it. Most of the time when we find it difficult to keep our commitments it is because we are trying to give up something because we think we “should” not because we have decided to of our own volition.

I first tried this with coffee several years ago, and have had no difficulty in keeping my commitment. Every year on my birthday I decide whether I want to renew the commitment. If so, then I write it down in my journal.

You can experiment with changing all sorts of behaviors this way. Be very flexible with the time period. Sometimes I made commitments for only 30 days because I was unsure whether I really wanted to change the behavior or not. Remember choose a period you are comfortable with!